It's all led up to this

Does anyone else feel gypped re: the amount of Georgina we got this season? I feel like her appearances in the last few episodes amounted to glorified cameos; I at least expected more of her in the finale! But despite the dearth of Georgina, the producers still delivered a pretty satisfying finale-- it even paid off loose ends I'd been waiting to come back for months.
The episode begins with the gang graduating from Constance/St. Jude's, which is amusing considering none of them seem to spend any time in class. (Unless, of course, they're taking lessons from a clueless Ohio teacher who likes to hook up with her students.) Blair and Chuck have an awkward pre-grad moment,with her almost-- but not quite-- telling him that she and Nate are dunzo. He doesn't tell her anything, either, even though she knows he told Serena he really does love her. (And really, if he was hiding his feelings, was Blair's BFF really the best person to share with? Right, like *she's* not gonna say anything.) Blair also has a run-in with the three mean girls, who tell Jenny she has a shot at becoming the new "Queen" of the school. Kind of an about-face, huh? One minute she's persona non grata with these bitches, the next they offer her a crown. (I guess they're all just followers incapable of leading.) Jenny insists she's not interested, having hoped the hierarchy would die out with Blair, and Blair walks by just in time to declare that she alone can pick the next queen. The second she leaves, though, the girls tell Jenny they could care less what Blair thinks anymore. In any case, Blair seems glad to leave all the "high school" drama behind, including the girls, Nate, and Chuck, while Serena says she's just glad to be going off Gossip Girl's radar. (Yep, the actual Gossip Girl was discussed quite a bit in this episode.) But she spoke too soon: Gossip Girl email blasts everyone during the ceremony, and naturally they all receive it on their cell phones at once. (Seriously, do these kids ever silence their phones? I'd hate to be at a funeral where the granddaughter's fucking text notification goes off during the eulogy, which is probably what happens with these kids. "Sorry Grandma, but Lonely Boy was just spotted at Dylan's Candy Bar!") Even for Gossip Girl it's a pithy post, essentially just a series of insults aimed at the principle characters. Nate's a "whore" (a reference to the duchess storyline which was the last time Nate did anything interesting), Dan's "the ultimate insider," Chuck's "a coward," Blair's "a weakling," and finally, Serena is "now officially irrelevant."
None of the staff or parents can understand why the kids aren't standing up at the closing. Serena decides she's declaring war on Gossip Girl, and at the incredibly boring post-grad reception, which doesn't seem to have nearly enough students to constitute a senior class in it (plus tons of random non-seniors like Eric and the mean girls), she sends GG a text, reasoning that the mysterious blogger "must be someone in this room." Jonathan's phone goes off-- gasp! (Right, like Eric's barely developed boyfriend would be the title character.) Turns out he's simply hacked into Gossip Girl's mainframe and has access to her inbox. Serena, Jenny, and Eric reason they can use this to somehow expose her, with Jenny laying eyes on some sort of big kahuna re: Blair. (P.S. the Mean Girls have told Jenny she gets to be Queen if she can produce juicy gossip... what a coinky-dink!) But at Nate's big grad party, this plan is foiled. Initially we see Nate talking to his grandpa about the duchess thing and how it could come out. "I had an affair with an older woman," he confesses. "Welcome to Washington," Grandpa replies. "She was married," Nate says. (Welcome to Washington.) "And she paid me." (Okay, Nate, WELCOME TO WASHINGTON!) Grandpa promises he'll protect Nate if need be. I just wish they'd bring the duchess and her incestuous step hunk back. They injected some nice drama into the series.
Meanwhile, Blair and Chuck share another spectacularly sexy scene, with her asking him how he feels about her "headband" (natch), her "stockings" ("I adore them" Bass coos), and finally, "me." "I..." Chuck begins, and that damn text alert predictably interrupts them. (Seriously kids, have you never heard of "vibrate"??) Then, Gossip Girl decides to drop a series of bombs about *everyone*, including one I'd been waiting for since the winter: Blair's liaison with Chuck's uncle. Busted! Blair blames Serena, who also comes under fire when GG exposes tidbits like Jenny's naked kinda-photo-shoot and Vanessa and Chuck's one night stand. Serena agrees that Dan really is an insider, having gotten into Yale, had a lame story published in The New Yorker, and generally insinuated himself into everything while still professing not to be "one of them." Blair angrily yells at Chuck for taking up with "the dregs of DUMBO." LOL. They eventually admit they're not really upset about the affairs, but they still seem to be at an impasse. Serena decides to try and rectify things by asking Gossip Girl to meet her at the Oak Room or else she'll "tell everyone who you are." (It's a bluff, of course.) But instead Serena is greeted by Dan, Blair (also thinking Gossip Girl's coming, Dan deadpans, "well THAT makes sense"), and finally all the other main characters. Gossip Girl texts them all: "You wanted to meet Gossip Girl, well, now you have. I'd be nothing without all of you. And surprise: I'm coming with you." (Meaning the updates will continue into college.) It was a little too precious and not at all surprising (I doubt they'd disclose her identity before the series finale, if ever), but whatever. Serena and Dan make up, promising to remain friends. Blair sees Chuck outside, staring soulfully. Meanwhile, Lily and Rufus have been partying it up with some pot she found in Chuck's room (?!). Rufus, whose issues with Lily have predictably lasted all of one episode, proposes to her and she says yes. (With an old tour bracelet as a ring, which is cute, I guess.)
Cut to a few weeks later, and a gotta-pack-it-all-in montage of scenes. Blair formally appoints Jenny as new Queen, and tells the girls they better obey because she now has damaging dirt on all of them. (I don't remember what it was or how she acquired it, but in any case Jenny now has a shot at interesting story lines again. Plus she actually looked cute in this episode, although Patrick was still troubled by the bangs.) Nate got hit on by the mayor so he's leaving the internship-- and joining Vanessa on that redonkulous "pirogi tour of Europe"! (Ugh, those two deserve each other.) Nearby, a new NYU student calls his parents while looking at newspaper clippings on Rufus and Lily-- yep, it's the love child, and not only will he be joining Dan at school, but he apparently knows who his real parents are. Georgina calls Dan and tells him she's gotten his money back from Poppy, though she doesn't say how. She hangs up and tells a woman at NYU that she wants to room with her "best friend Blair Waldorf." Does it really make sense for her to magically make that happen unbeknownst to Blair? Would kids this rich even live in dorms? Who cares-- the possibilities for drama with those two as roomies are endless. (Unfortunately Georgina won't become a series regular, as I hoped; NBC picked up a pilot with her starring for next season, although her contract allows for 3 GG episodes, according to the stalwarts at Entertainment Weekly. But some Georgina is better than none at all.) That skeezy Carter shows up out of nowhere with info on Serena's long lost dad, and she heads off in search of Papa Van Der Woodsen. (Guess they're setting up the story for next season. Maybe this is also their way of getting out of sending Serena away for school.) And last but certainly not least, Chuck greets Blair with a bushel of gifts. Turns out he jetted off to Europe only to procure her favorite chocolates, stockings, etc. And he finally-- FINALLY-- says, "I love you." I got a little verklempt, I'm not gonna lie. "Say it again," Blair breathes, and he does, and they kiss, and fans everywhere rejoice. Not a bad way to end the season, all in all.

Gossip Girl: They Love the 80s

It could have been a spectacular train wreck, but Gossip Girl's totally awesome 80s flashback-- the so-called "backdoor pilot" for the proposed young Lily spin-off-- was surprisingly decent. It might have launched a decent series, although the project has supposedly been scuttled already, but more importantly it worked better than expected when blended with the modern day storyline.
The episode starts off in New York circa 2009, with Serena still in the slammer and Blair amusingly remarking that "she's been in jail longer than Nicole Ritchie and Lindsay Lohan combined!" Meanwhile, Lily is headed there to bail her out, and begins reflecting on her youth in California circa 1983. Back then, she'd been expelled from school and calls her businessman father Rick (80s stalwart Andrew McCarthy) asking him to meet her for lunch. (Lily is played here by Brittany Snow, and while the LA scenes are blended cleverly with the modern day ones, I'll describe the entire flashback plot in its entirety here to avoid confusion.) She's shown at a payphone with the sign for Neptune's Net in the background-- a seafood restaurant I actually ate at with Ashely during a visit last fall! (It's delicious and total no-frills-dining-at-its-best.) We learn that Lily's been expelled from school, and is hoping to move in with her dad. But her steely mother, Cece (Cynthia Watros), has been called and what's more, both parents know of her predicament already. Her request to move in with Dad is predictably rebuffed. Snow does a decent enough job as the young Lily-- there's a passing resemblance, and she's relatively believable as a spunkier but still square-ish version of Serena's mom-- but Ritter really nails it as her steely mother. Her hard-edged portrayal is totally consistent with the modern day battle ax played by Caroline Lagerfelt, who also appears in this ep. Cece insists Lily accompany her home, but foolishly leaves in her own car, prompting Lily to drive off to LA instead in search of her wayward sister, Carol (Krysten Ritter). She heads to the diner where she works, and meets a bad-boy looking friend of hers named Owen (Shiloh Fernandez), who would clearly be her love interest if this got picked up for series. (I suppose it'd be kind of weird watching the show and knowing that whatever happens with these two, they won't last-- although I'd love to see Lily's alleged hookups with Trent Reznor and Slash!) Owen says his pal is dating Carol and that she'll be at a rock show if Lily wants to come.
Cut to Lily trying on some of her sister's outfits set to "Dancing with Myself," since Owen comments that her uber-preppie fatigues aren't going to cut it. Of course, this is what we really care about: the clothes and the music! They used some choice cuts like "Safety Dance" and "Blue Monday" throughout the episode, and the fashions were appropriately 80s-tacular while stopping just short of silliness. (It'd be interesting to see them parade around in vintage clothes week after week on a series, although I suspect the licensing budget for all those Time Life retro hits could get a little unwieldy.) The concert scene is appropriately raucous, with a down and dirty CBGB's feel and a much touted cameo by No Doubt as the fictional "Snowed Out." (They must have been up all night thinking of that witty moniker.) Carol is pleasantly surprised to see Lily ("are you wearing my dress?"), and the group piles into her beat up car to head to a party they're not invited to. (I don't remember why they go, but it's apparently required that all Josh Schwartz California pilots involve crashing a party and engaging in fisticuffs. Unfortunately, no one here cracks "Welcome to the LA, bitch!") Lily and Carol have some expository banter about what her life is like now, with an amusing reference to fanny packs (!) and Carol explaining that she is "making it" as she claimed-- "This is what making it looks like! When you just haven't... made it yet." She's a likable enough character and I could relate to her cautiously optimistic attitude about her life. The two actresses look nothing like each other, but they do have good sisterly chemistry. (Plus, the brunette and blonde combo evokes Blair and Serena.) At the party, they clash with nasty rich brat Keith van Der Woodsen, aka Serena and Eric's never-before-seen dad! Unfortunately, his appearance is brief but whets our appetite for details on how he and Lily ever got involved. (If the Lily show's truly dead, I'd love to see some more flashbacks on Gossip Girl next season.) Keith and his friends tell the party crashers to get lost with some particularly nasty insults. In a funny moment, Lily and Carol both demand, "What did you just say??" in unison. "No one talks to us like that!" Lily says defiantly, leading to the aforementioned fight. Next thing we know Lily's been arrested-- just like her daughter two decades later! Lily calls CeCe for help, and her mom-- shown working out to a Jane Fonda video-- is typically unsympathetic. But Carol shows up, grabs the phone, and informs their ice queen mother that Lily will be staying with *her* for the time being and voila! We have a spin-off premise.
The sisters exit the jail and Carol reveals she sold her car to pay bail. "What are we going to do, walk?" Lily asks. "Walking in LA? You've got a lot to learn," Carol cracks. (Patrick informs me that this is actually a reference to a pop song, although I thought it was funny in and of itself.) Carol puts on her sunglasses and declares, "we Rhodes travel in style." Next thing we know they're on a bus together holding hands, which is intercut with scenes of Serena and Blair bonding outside of their senior prom.
Yes-- back to 2009! Lily shows up at jail but Serena's already called CeCe to get her out (and hey, in light of the 80s storyline, that's, like, ironic!). Lily and CeCe have their zillionth parenting debate. Serena's bailed out just in time to go to the prom, with Dan whisking her away via cab, and even bringing her (typically gorgeous) dress along. Blair, meanwhile, is living her dream prom by attending with Nate in a fanciful fairytale gown. (Blair in the gown, not Nate. I quite liked it, and the media ate it up, with Entertainment Weekly declaring it "A+".) But those scheming bitches Nelly, Penelope, and, um, the other one (who've been MIA for a while) are up to no good, rigging the votes so that Nelly steals the prom queen crown from Blair. (What, were they all out of pig's blood?) Blair chastises Chuck when she catches him rifling through the votes, but he's ultimately redeemed when we learn-- of course-- that he was actually securing her victory. He also hands Serena the key to a hotel suite for the couple, because he wants her to have the perfect night. All together now: awwwwwww. But on the dance floor, Blair realizes that having lived her high school fantasy, she no longer needs her high school boyfriend, and explains this to Nate as they share a somber dance. We expected as much, since there has to be more B & C drama at season's end, but Gawwwwd I hope this doesn't mean Nate and Vanessa are going to rekindle their non-flame. (I saw a promo photo of the two of them in next week's finale-- argh!) Meanwhile, Lily apologizes to Rufus for her questionable decision making with Serena, and says she realizes he was going to propose. Rufus accepts her apology, but cautions that this doesn't mean they're back on... yet. (He'll probably be over it by next week. Or not. We're overdue for the return of the love child from Boston, aren't we?) Lily and CeCe share as tender a moment as they possibly can, with Lily forcing a hug on the old coot and CeCe seeming to thaw out enough to realize that her daughter really does love her. (As they embraced, I wanted CeCe to remark, "I can feel your baby kicking!") We close on Blair and Serena sharing their heart to heart, paralleled with Lily and Carol back in 83. Only one more episode left, and it looks like we'll have plenty of Georgina bitchery, Chuck/Blair drama, and Serena vowing to bring down Gossip Girl her (or him??) self. Can't wait!

Scheme a little scheme

Gossip Girl's Serena continues to be willfully naive. Seriously, it's bad enough that she falls for losers like Aaron (eww) and now Gabriel (who at least has better hair care skills), but then she keeps buying into all of their lies. At the start of the episode, Serena realizes that Gabriel's made off with all the investors' money and she consults Blair and Chuck to see what she should do. Nate's tagged along with Blair because he accused her of using Serena's latest predicament to avoid discussing their issues: i.e. whether or not they should move in together. Of course, Nate is utterly useless when it comes to things like this: he's much better at pouting than he is at devising schemes. Dan arrives to announce that Rufus has sunk his college fund into Gabriel's bogus deal, and Serena apologizes. She assures him she can get the money back, because "the feelings are real" even if Gabriel's African wi-fi bullshit wasn't. She and Chuck meet Gabriel for lunch at Gilt (which I think is the real hotel restaurant that has a sandwich named after the show) and he cops to the scam-- which Chuck identifies as, yep, a Ponzi scheme-- but claims that Poppy has the money now and he couldn't return it even if he wanted to. Chuck is still skeptical, but Serena is convinced that Poppy is the more evil one and falls for Gabriel's "I really came to love you speech" and he even says, "You're the only one worth waking up a Spanish priest for" (a reference to their quasi-wedding). Barf. He's so full of it, but Serena even lets him leave, convinced that "he won't be hard to find" if they need him later. Is this why it was so easy for Bernie Maddoff to bilk New Yorkers? Are all of them dumb, trusting sheep? I thought we had more know-how than that. Anyway, Georgina, who's assuring everyone she means no harm (loved the moment when Blair instinctively pulled her purse away), is recruited to entrap Poppy by pretending to be yet another gullible, rich New Yorker for her to dupe. She's reluctant to join in the subterfuge, but Blair convinces her it's a good way for her to atone for past sins. They provide a makeover-- out with the Jesus threads, in with the Upper East vixenwear-- and Georgina makes a date to meet Poppy for lunch at yet another posh eatery: the Russian Tea Room. Meanwhile, dopey Dan has spilled the beans to Lily (whose layers of pregnancy-hiding props and wardrobe were so funny I included a pic above) about the Ponzi scheme. He's understandably concerned about his dad, but his meddling ultimately makes things worse. Lily decides to pay back the investors and handle the whole thing quietly, not wanting to taint Serena's or her reputation with "a scandal," but rather than be upfront with Rufus she opts to have him paid in monthly installments that will create the illusion his investment is actually paying him off. I'm hard pressed to understand her logic here. Did she really think she could keep this a secret? And why doesn't she want to prosecute the ones behind this sordid scheme? The fear-of-scandal doesn't seem like it should outweigh a desire for justice. She orders Serena not to interfere, even as her daughter is horrified by the sight of Lily having tea with Poppy and accepting all her lies about how she, too, was a "victim." Inevitably Serena goes ahead with the entrapment plan, anyway. When Dan gets wind that his dad is being payed in installments-- which clearly aren't from the bogus scheme-- he calls Serena who assures him she'll get the money back, and also snaps that he may as well tell her mom since he's good at it. Of course, dopey Dan does just that and Lily is furious that her kid's still plotting to bring down Poppy. (I can't really relate to this. If I were in the same position, my mom would probably be the one *behind* "Operation Nail the Bitch." I guess the Lockwoods are generally a less blase, forgiving bunch.) She calls her and demands that she call off the plan but naturally Serena ignores her. (We see her on the phone and spotting Poppy approaching. I can't blame her for ignoring Lily on this one. Just the site of that girl makes me want to bitch slap her, too.) Georgina does her best "wide eyed idiot" act, all the while secretly recording Poppy's request for money to get her in on the investment-- cash only, of course. Meanwhile, Chuck and Blair have time for a Momentous Exchange that provides yet another first. After Nate demands that Chuck either man up and declare his feelings for Blair or let her go, he's asked the burning question by Blair. "I need to know if this is real, or just a game," she declares in yet another Emmy worthy performance. (Seriously, I may have the hots for Chuck, but Blair is the best part of this show. She's both hilarious and heartbreakingly emotional. Too bad the TV Academy is way too snobbish to reward a "soap opera" performance as opposed to umpteen procedural actors.) "It's just a game," he says, and Blair, with tears in her eyes, thanks him and walks away. Serena, who's witnessed the whole scene, asks Chuck, "why did you do that?" "Because I love her," Chuck says. "And I can't make her happy." Big moment: he finally admitted he loves her! Of course, his response to Blair's face ensures that he keeps the love triangle going; pretty clever move by the writers. (Also somewhat more plausible than last fall's "the game is what we do best" bullshit.) Outside, Blair tells Nate they shouldn't move in together, and he agrees he was just "trying to force our issues." But they're still on as a couple, at least for now. Meanwhile, Georgina hands over a satchel of cash to Poppy and cops arrive... but they arrest Serena, not Poppy! Turns out Lily's foisted them on her daughter on bogus theft charges (for "stealing" an heirloom bracelet she gave her earlier) to prevent her from sullying the family name with the Ponzi scheme debacle. Really, Lily? This is your brilliant plan? I say Parenting FAIL. Rufus certainly agrees; not only is he disgusted when he finds Lily's list of the people she's paying off (him included), but he's repulsed by her willingness to have her own daughter arrested. "You sound just like your mother right now," he declares. (Side note: what's with these two leaving smoking guns around for each other to find? They really need to stop being so careless with lists, manifestos, etc. Will they ever learn?) Rufus was actually on the verge of proposing to Lily, but he backs off and tells his kids back in Brooklyn to "return this for me." There was a sweet little interlude earlier where he asked for Eric's permission to marry his mom, which was notable mainly for the first glimpse of that kid we've had in what seems like forever. (Still dig his new hair... but someone write this kid a decent storyline! He and Jenny seemingly exist only for the purpose of giving other characters advice-- it's like they're *both* the Token Gay Male!) The episode ends with Serena posing for the cutest mugshots this side of Lindsay Lohan. And next week-- it's a totally awesome "backdoor pilot" for the Lily in the 80s spin-off! Lily flashes back to her own arrest as a teen in LA, and we'll get a sneak peek at the producers' potential new series, with Andrew McCarthy as her dad and No Doubt cameo-ing as punk rockers. Looks like fun, although I still think Lily's kind of a bitch for having her own kid arrested. But what do I know?

The bitch is back

Yes, Georgina returned on last night's Gossip Girl. Unfortunately, her presence basically amounted to a cameo-- looks like the real Sparks will fly (see what I did there??) next week. It was still a good episode, though, with the kind of brewing craziness you just know will pay big dividends in the final episodes. The hour opened amusingly with Blair horrified by the prospect of actually having to use the subway. Nate suggests it'll be the quickest way for them to see each other in the fall, when he's at Columbia and she's at NYU. Gotta love Queen B, who declares, "This is why God invented car service." She's kind of like Daphne Zuniga in "Space Balls," when she's told she should only take what she needs to survive and protests, "I *need* my Imperial Hair Dryer to survive!" They also chose well by having the Bleeker St stop be the one in question, since its facade lists an alphabet soup of trains: 6DF. It's enough to give a girl a migraine. Even for these characters, though, it seemed a little much that they actually described a commute between the upper west and lower east side as "like being in a long distance relationship." C'mon, people, it's not like we're talking about *Brooklyn* here! Then again, Blair's line about "Nate may as well be going to school in Guam" seemed knowingly ridiculous. It's enough to scare Nate into securing an apartment in Murray Hill. (So wait, where is the money for this coming from again? His dad's in federal prison and he burned bridges with Grandpa so... um, how? Splainy.) He and Chuck discuss the issue while playing basketball (who knew these guys played sports or did anything besides drink and date?). Chuck says they can still discuss Blair, man-to-man, despite his own infamous past with her. But when C and B run into each other that night and Nate hears about it, he gets jealous and Chuck gets snide. Chuck suggests his friend is only getting the apartment to keep a close eye on his girlfriend. And Nate's subsequent decision to ask Blair to move in is even more transparent. (And again, I know this isn't a particularly realistic show but-- who lets their teenage kids shack up together for freshman year? I'm willing to accept teens getting into clubs and drinking whenever they like but that seems like another stretch!) The run-in occurs when Blair decides to go snooping after Serena's new squeeze, handsome playboy Gabriel. Serena's complaining about his flakiness and this immediately raises Blair's suspicions. When Chuck spots her staked out outside of Gabriel's place, he immediately knows what's up: "You're wearing your beret." (Too funny. An earlier Blair line about Dorota being "handy with surveillance equipment" was also amusing.) They see Gabriel getting into a cab with Poppie, his supposed ex, and report this to Serena. When she confronts him, he says that he's been forced to stay with her so that her investors won't pull funding from his Ponzi scheme-- I mean, charity investment. (Something about helping underprivileged African youth. Or something.) He swears he'll break it off with her in a week, and Serena's satisfied. Blair is understandably skeptical, and I couldn't help wondering why Serena is always willing to give loser-y guys second, third, and fourth chances. (The only decent guy we've seen her date is Dan, and even he's kind of a douche sometimes.) I wanted to shake her and say, "Serena, I'm queerer than a three dollar bill and *I* would make out with you. You're hot! You can do better than these jerks!" (I know, I know, I get so emotional when I'm talking about Serena's love life. She's just a good kid, and I worry about her.) Chuck and Blair orchestrate a meeting between Gabriel and Poppie in which he declares his love for Serena and shrugs off Poppie's threat to pull all her investors. Serena is convinced and even offers to help Gabriel find new backers among her mother and her high society pals. But Chuck and Blair aren't so easily swayed and remain determined to get to the bottom of the whole thing, especially when they learn that Butter, where Serena and Georgina supposedly ran into Gabriel in the first place, was closed on the night in question. Significantly, Blair chooses a trip to see Georgina with Chuck over spending the night with Nate at his apartment. They've decided that our favorite little Hellspawn is the only one who can put the issue to rest, so they drive out to some Jesus Camp where Georgina's been living to ask her. After spending the night in a limo waiting for it to open-- Chuck can't resist referencing the pair's first sexual encounter, natch-- Chuck says it's best if he talks to Blair's old enemy alone. Blair realizes that he only brought her along to get her away from Nate, but Chuck insists it was her decision. "I'm doing this for my best friend," Blair protests. But the tension between the two as their faces hover inches apart says it all. Of course, as promised in the previews, Georgina greets Chuck with a bear hug and shrieks, "Have you been saved?" He tells her it has to be an act aimed at escaping boot camp, though Georgina insists it's not and she's truly found Jesus. Meanwhile, Serena's waking up with Gabriel and decides to put him to the test, asking him about the alleged night at Butter. Does he remember her friend Georgina's "flaming red hair"? "Oh, I remember that," Gabriel replies. Busted! After Serena leaves, Poppie shows up and she and Gabriel are frantic that S might suspect the truth about what they're doing. It's become apparent that they are trying to ensnare the Van Der Woodsens and their wealthy friends in a bogus investment. Funniest bit, when Gabriel rails about not being given enough information about how he supposedly met S: "What the hell is Butter?!" A knock at the door arouses their suspicion that Serena's back, but it's actually Rufus, come to give Gabriel his check in person. Yep, he's investing, too, in a fool-hardy bid to fund Dan's college education. Ruh-roh! Meanwhile Serena calls Chuck, who confirms that Georgina doesn't remember the cad, either. (Funnily, Georgina says she's "prayed many times" over drugging S that night.) Chuck tells her he'll be home soon, but Blair's already taken off in the limo. She apologizes to Nate for abandoning him the previous night, but also wants to know if he just asked her to move in to keep a leash on her. He placates her for the moment, but the love triangle has officially been set in motion, and we all know who Blair is *really* destined to be with. Back in Humphrey land, the fairly un-involving we-need-money storyline-- is Rufus buying a ring to propose to Lily? what will he do now that the gallery isn't selling?-- bored me enough to focus only on stuff like Lily's latest obvious pregnancy-hiding clothes and the fact that Jenny has those awful bangs again. (I was also annoyed by her token reference to Eric's being "out of town." Doing what, exactly? Why don't you just pretend he doesn't exist like in the other frequent Eric-free episodes? I hope he was in P-town at a foam party or something.) There was a brief exchange between Rufus and Vanessa (who, without a gallery to serve coffee at, is probably questioning the meaning of life itself) that left me wondering, again, if those two will ever engage in any sort of massively inappropriate nookie. Why not? It could be fun, and I'm kinda bored of Lily and Rufus these days-- a teenage affair would stir things up. (Haven't they learned anything from Chuck and Blair? It's always more fun when you throw curves at your Core Couples.) Then there was the drunken confab between Vanessa and Dan in which she confessed to having slept with Chuck, twice. She also let it slip that Rufus is short on cash for Yale. I did wonder about the likelihood of a teenage girl being let in to freely drink beers with her teen friend-- guess this was my week to question the reality of Gossip Girl. (If I want hardcore realism, I probably shouldn't be watching this show in the first place.) But it was sort of funny to see Dan's reactions to his ex hooking up with the notorious bad boy, and referencing all the "STD tests" she was forced to undergo. But Vanessa is still boring, even when drunk, which only proves that she should try and seduce Rufus for one last stab at relevance. (I mean, seriously. The girl's now hawking Dove soap during the commercial breaks. She's the character equivalent of watching paint dry.) The end of the episode was promising, if predictable; Chuck mentions Blair and Georgina perks up at that and decides to accompany him back to Manhattan. Gossip Girl says something clever about the devil in disguise, and we're left wondering: was she faking the whole religious conversion, or was it only a matter of time before a trigger sent her back into Linda Blairsville? We'll find out next week.

The girls can't help it

After another (mercifully shorter) hiatus, Gossip Girl came back with the sort of whimsical, fun little episode that made us like this show in the first place. Not spectacular, but certainly promising as we move into May Sweeps and the final episodes of the season. (Side note: is it just me, or does this season feel like it's been on for two years? Not that I'm complaining, but Labor Day feels like a loooong time ago!) For one thing, Wallace Shawn came back! I thought maybe they'd been holding back on Cyrus because they wrote his icky son Aaron off the face of the earth, but I guess they figure it's been long enough that no one will question his own son not being at the Passover Seder the characters all attend in this episode. (Or we won't ask questions as long as we never have to think about Aaron again-- sorry, all, for bringing back painful memories.) The hour opens with one of those Blair fantasies that used to be sort of cute but are mostly just tiresome. (We get that she likes Audrey Hepburn, but that really only leaves two iconic movies to play with-- maybe Blair needs to start idolizing Joan Crawford or something.) She's still smarting from the Yale fiasco, and then a possible answer arrives in the form of Nate's grandfather, who offers to get her in the wedding party for Nate's cousin Trip if she'll convince Nate to go to Yale instead of Columbia. Nate wants to go to Columbia because the producers want to keep the kids in New York-- er, because he got in under his own steam (whereas Yale was a gimme thanks to the family name). Blair can't resist trying to influence him for her own high society gain, but then Nate stuns the engagement party by declaring a biting "toast" to his grandfather, who Trip told him had ratted his disgraced dad out to the Feds. So much for that plan. What's more, when Grandpa explains to Nate that he gave the Captain the chance to turn himself in but had no choice but to turn him in for the good of him and his family, Nate thanks him for his honesty and then his grandfather says, "In the spirit of honesty, there's something you should know..." and reveals his deal with Blair! I'm sorry, but isn't that a little hypocritical? How is it not bad that Grandpa bribed Nate's girlfriend in the first place!? Blair can certainly be a scheming bitch, but I honestly sympathized with her here. Thankfully a talk with Chuck, of all people, convinces Nate to forgive Blair and by ep's end the two are hugging and kissing all over again. Her earlier claim that she no longer cared about college and just wanted to go socialite wasn't too convincing, but did produce this priceless zinger (after Cyrus offered to get Blair an NYU interview): "I have no desire go to a non-Ivy league school, read Beloved eight times and then experiment with lesbianism!" Meanwhile, Serena was dealing with the consequences of her impromptu trip to Spain with high society pal Poppy in the last episode. Lily is royally pissed and declares "the old Serena is back, and I don't like seeing her." But Serena hasn't even revealed her biggest gaffe: she apparently married hunky Gabriel in a drunken haze overseas, and essentially came running back to escape! She seeks Cyrus's legal advice, since Blair is tied up in wedding preparations on the night of the big family Seder and thus conveniently out of the way. He urges her to tell her mom; after all, "she's your *mother.*" This exchange is overheard by Dan, who's taken on a catering job to supplement his college fund and has wound up at chez Waldorf. He moves easily into morally superior mode: "How does one not *know* if one is married?" (I don't know, Humphrey: how does *anyone* not know if one is married? Such is life.) Eventually Lily and Rufus arrive for dinner, followed by Gabriel, who's tracked Serena down, and the evening descends into a farce. Dan has to pretend to be Serena's on-again boyfriend and date for the Seder for Gabriel, Rufus, and Lily, while also fulfilling his role as "cater waiter" (which btw is my new favorite profession) for Eleanor, prompting all sorts of silliness. Meanwhile poor Cyrus is trying to actually, you know, have a religious dinner, while Eleanor just wants to know when they eat. "She never mentioned you," Gabriel says, to which Dan replies, "I must have come up once or twice..." Meanwhile, Eleanor's mandate that Dan "make himself more presentable" strikes Rufus as rude, but Dan declares, "I'm just gonna go with it." And Lily can't believe Serena and Dan are back on yet again. Eventually, of course, the whole thing comes crashing down and Dan cops to his role in the affair, at least. When Serena realizes Gabriel's gone, she follows him, and he tells her they weren't married in Spain, after all, but he really likes her. They kiss, and just then a distraught Blair shows up (before Nate makes nice with her at episode's end). The two share some cathartic girl talk, reminding us that their tempestuous friendship is often at the core of the show. (I knew teenage girls who were friends in high school and alternately adored and despised each other-- that love/hate dynamic seems to be par for the course sometimes.) Serena leaves Gabriel a sweet voice mail, while Blair has a touching moment with Cyrus-- taking him up on the NYU offer-- right before Nate comes to see her. She says "I'm so sorry" and runs into his arms. Serena's just found out she got into Brown, but her burgeoning love seems less auspicious; cut to Gabriel and Poppy having a vague but clearly scheming conversation. Last but certainly not least, this episode featured some interesting bits for Chuck and Jenny; the latter appears to be taking baby steps towards having a life of her own. She's got a cute, soft-spoken new love interest named Elliot (even if they do lame things like play Monopoly at home) and she stands up to Chuck in a rare ballsy moment. After he realizes his paramour of the night is someone he's already slept with, he kicks her out and randomly insults Jenny. ("Big shock; the girl from Brooklyn is a renter," he quips.) Jenny tells him off, saying that just because he's bored doesn't mean he should try to crap on other people's lives; besides, hers and Lily's families constitute "the only people in your life you don't have to pay to be there" and reminds him that in light of his attempt to force himself on her last year, she could probably get him thrown out of the apartment if she wanted to. Chuck later comes back to her and acknowledges her point, while also apologizing for last year's incident (which actually happened way back in the series premiere). He vows that if the Humphreys do end up moving in, he'll move out. It was a very interesting and unexpected scene, with two characters whose paths have rarely crossed-- at least directly-- since that fateful premiere. I suppose it's also worth mentioning that Rufus randomly announced he's selling the gallery, both to raise college money and because he's not enjoying art anymore. Dan asks what he'll do now, and he says he's not sure, but my money's on a revived music career. Meanwhile, this may have been the most blatant Kelly-Rutherford-is-hugely-pregnant episode yet, with all manner of conspicuously flowing dresses and coats on display. I can't wait till she pops that baby out so the producers can finally stop playing Hide the Bump. My favorite moment of all, though, wasn't in the episode itself, but at the end of the promo for next week: a breathless Georgina (Michelle Trachtenberg) hugs Chuck and blares, "Have you been saved???" Only time will tell if the bitch has gone fundy (or if it's all just an act), but the clip made me laugh out loud and I am dying for next week already.

Grandpa knows best

After a coulda-been-better return from hiatus, Gossip Girl was back in top form last night. The episode was packed with more goings-on than you can shake a stick at, and that included lots of Chuck and Blair intrigue. (Yay!) About the only truly bad thing I can say about it is that it had Jenny back with the overkill bangs and eye shadow. BOO! The girl needs a new stylist-- and a decent storyline. All she ever does these days is knit things and offer sage advice on other character's problems. As the episode begins, Blair is spiraling after her rejection from Yale. She's spending more and more time with skeezeball Carter and seems determined to eradicate any trace of her old overachieving self. Chuck is sure something's wrong so he comes to Serena, who tells him, "Blair just needs space to lick her wounds." "Or I can lick them for her," Chuck quips to Serena's disgust. (S, honey, you kinda tunneled your way into that one.) Chuck comes by Blair's apartment but is rebuffed by Blair, who is lounging around with Carter and, by the way, looks AMAZING. (Seriously, she was in a black bustier and looked hot. I was really glad my straight friend Ben was watching this episode-- he has a major thing for Leighton Meester.) But eventually Serena concedes that their friend needs help, and they convince Dorota to tell her where she's gone one night-- presumably to some debaucherous party. When Chuck and Serena go to the address, a pre-pubescent girl opens the door, leading to Chuck uttering the night's best line: "I see Roman Polanski's in town." Turns out Blair is begging the dean of Sarah Lawrence to accept her, but the whole hazing-a-teacher thing has ruined her chances there, too. "Why didn't you tell us?" Serena asks. "What, that I was debasing myself to get into *Sarah Lawrence*?" Blair snaps. "Right, like I should've put it on my Facebook page!" (Oh Blair, you're so cute and witty when you're angry.) Meanwhile, Nate finally gets an interesting story in the form of his cousin Trip (incidentally played by one of my friend Amber's theater pals). Trip invites him to the Kennedy compound-- er, Archibald mansion. Nate's wary of seeing his grandfather, who didn't do much to help him and his struggling mom during the whole Deadbeat Cokehead Dad Debacle, but Dan and Vanessa convince him to go. Turns out Grandpa-- who's played by one of those seen-him-a-thousand-times character actors no one knows the name of-- was actually quite proud of how well Nate handled the whole mess. What's more, he's grooming Nate for the family business, politics. Trip's fiance, let's just call her Jackie, tells Vanessa that all Archibald men eventually fall into this sort of thing. Vanessa's all weirded out but tries to be supportive. (Albeit in a really martyred annoyingly self-involved way.) Eventually Nate decides he will intern for the mayor's office rather than spend the summer taking a "perogi tour of Europe" with Vanessa. (Side note: really? A *perogi* tour? Reeeallly???) Guess Vanessa will have to find some new perogi to chew on. (That's right. I went there.) Elsewhere in Adultsville, Lily and Rufus share a contrived but sorta fun storyline in which they quiz each other on past relationships and Lily's list is waaaay longer. (There are references to her dating Trent Reznor and Slash, to which Serena responds, "Slash? REALLY, Mom?") In what should come as a surprise to exactly no one, Rufus ends up being all judge-y when he finds out that Lily only gave him one page of her list for fear of his disapproval. (A fear that was apparently well-founded; as I remarked, "like father, like self righteous son.") Meanwhile, the same Archibald family shindig that sees N and V part ways also features some id-fueled hilarity courtesy of Blair, who decides she will undo her straight-laced public image in as high profile setting as possible. It's kind of like that scene in Caddyshack where Rodney Dangerfield walks into the room and insults everyone in sight. The biggest laugh came courtesy of Chuck, though; after Blair alludes to a socialite's husband having made his fortune off porn, Chuck stops to compliment him: "By the way, love your websites." Chuck gets Blair alone for a sexy-tense clinch in which she offers herself to him... but only because it would be "the worst" possible thing for her to do. Chuck rejects the proposal, and Blair walks off. (The catty narration claims it may be his last chance, but we know better than that, don't we?) She and Nate end up sharing a moment at the party, and when Chuck goes to her apartment later he finds Nate's new Archibald family jacket (which seriously looks like something out of Hogwarts). Blair's invited Nate back into her bed! Dum-dum-DUM! We close with Chuck looking up the stairs all intensely. I'm liking these new developments and look forward to next week with Jenny's sweet 16 party, which looks to have Chuck and Vanessa engaging in revenge nookie (obviously a cute nod to their real life coupling) and Serena getting involved with a new man.

Much ado about Blair

Yay! Gossip Girl is back. I didn't realize until last night just how much I'd missed those crazy kids. It was a rather entertaining return, too. This installment saw all of the characters involved in the school's production of The Age of Innocence. Never mind that none of them has shown the slightest interest in acting before. I'm a sucker for these goofy gimmick episodes where every principal character winds up in the same situation. All except Chuck, who might as well have been starring on his own show last night for all the interaction he had with the other characters. Continuing the wacky Skull & Bones-like storyline he'd become embroiled in last ep, Chuck struggled to save the mysterious young Elle. After happening upon her in a restaurant, Chuck became determined to save her from the secret society's machinations, only to trust sleazy acquaintance Carter with smuggling her out of the country. But then Carter turns out to be-- gasp!-- a member of the cult himself, flashing his tattoo at Chuck as their limo pulls away. And then two scenes later Elle's escaped, anyway (??), but tells Chuck she doesn't need him anymore; she just needed the money to go off and start a new life. She tells him to give his love to "someone who deserves it." (And seriously, what did he see in that chick, anyway? The whole storyline seemed a little forced and random, and it appears they've now dropped the whole business which suits me fine. Chuck needs to go play with the other children again!) Apart from that the episode was all about Blair, with ever more opportunities for Leighton Meester to show us what a kick-ass actor she is. After telling the ever-present Dorota and Serena that she can't relate to her hopeless onstage role, since everything in her life is perfect, she receives a rude awakening: Nelly Yuki's been accepted to Yale and Blair is out! Seems someone spilled the beans about Blair's dirty doings at Constance and Yale reconsidered. The rest of the episode becomes a whodunit as Blair desperately seeks out her new enemy. As Nelly points out, there are plenty of potential suspects; after Blair accuses her of being jealous, she insists, "People aren't jealous of you-- they hate you!" Nice wake up call for B, by the way. The plot thickens when embarrassing secrets concerning Serena and Yale are also posted online. The girls butt heads for the zillionth time, with Serena sure that she's been betrayed yet again. Insisting she isn't to blame, Blair decides that Dan is responsible for both rumors, although he's so used to her disdain that her latest passive aggressive stint elicits little more than an eye roll. An amusing scene in which the two fight while acting out a romantic interlude ensues; with her head wagging back and forth, Blair looks like she's sucking face with Humphrey. Later, the entire cast breaks character with everyone bickering and yelling. But theater critic Charles Isherwood, who's in attendance (riiiight) compliments the director for what he thinks is some sort of meta approach to the text blending the script with contemporary teens. Two things: why in the hell would Charles friggin' Isherwood deign to show up for a high school theater production? And are we really supposed to believe one of the word's greatest drama critics is dumb enough to mistake a bunch of ranting high schoolers for cutting edge theater? I don't know why Isherwood agreed to this cameo, because it kind of makes him look dumb. Meanwhile, a minor spat fails to prevent Nate and Vanessa from being the Dullest Couple Ever. Seriously, these two are beyond dull! Chace is pretty, but what for the days when he was a duchess's gigolo and not the lamest female character's cuddle monkey! Vanessa does her usual lame "I'm making a documentary" biznizz while helping Serena try and win over her handsome director. Never mind that this guy is pretty obviously gay, with his episode-ending revelation shocking no one besides Serena; he's a total tool, anyway! Still, it was nice to see Serena crushing on someone new and foregoing all the Dan-related angst for a change. But Vanessa's funny coaching of Serena via Bluetooth makes Nate think she's cheating on him, then he realizes it was a misunderstanding, then they decide maybe they're not meant to be, and finally they have an I-just-threw-up-in-my-mouth interlude on the couch, where Nate's watching The Age of Innocence DVD Vanessa lent him. "It's heart-breaking," Nate declares. Ugh. Heart-breakingly lame, that is. (Luckily the teaser for next week promises Nate/Blair intrigue, so hopefully we can finally move on from Our Long National Nightmare of V & N.) Then there's Dan and Miss Carr and the World's Most Ill Advised Relationship. I mean, I understand why they got freaky when they still thought Rachel was fired, but how can they think this is still a good idea? Hooking up at the school during rehearsal, no less? Have they never seen Dawson's Creek or any other teen soap dealing with student-teacher nookie ever made? Jenny manages to drop a note from Rachel-- along with her apartment key-- in front of Rufus, who shows up to confront Rachel and tell her Mary Kay LaTorneau playtime is over. (She had lit a bunch of candles and I kind of wished Rufus would blow them out-- just to make a point.) And who, you may ask, was the one who dished the dirt on Blair and Serena? Why, it was none other than Miss Carr. Dan tells her off for being such a treacherous biotch, after all, and when Blair puts two and two together, she realizes that for Rachel, "hav[ing] to live with it is punishment enough." Dan gets a heartfelt letter from Miss Carr (which Jenny says was "under the door" at their apartment-- is this woman seeking a Rufus ass kicking, or what??) saying that she's going back to Iowa (of course you are, dear) and learned so much from Dan, and can't believe what she did, and blah blah blah. She even throws in a quotation from The Age of Innocence for extra schmaltz. Good riddance, missy. But the damage is done for Blair, too; she winds up at a bar refusing comfort from Serena and insisting that she truly is a bad person, and no wonder S suspected the worst. "You're still my best friend," Serena says, sweetly. Back at Chez Waldorf, Chuck shows up to see Blair (realizing she's the one who deserves his love, natch). But shady Carter is putting the moves on Blair at that very moment. Next week promises a Nate and Blair reunion to infuriate Vanessa and Chuck in equal measure. While I never thought those two made sense as a couple, I think a reunion will be a good way to complicate things... and it will probably wind up pushing Chuck and Blair back together while tearing Vanessa and Nate apart. (Aww, shucks.) I can't wait for next Monday.

Gossip Watch: Going Out with a Bang

No more Gossip Girl for at least a month? Say it ain't so! Oh, well, at least this episode provided all sorts of shenanigans to (sort of) tide us over until GG returns from hiatus. The best part: they went to the Holiday House!!!! (Does little dance.) But before I get to that-- and before you ask, "What the hell is a Holiday House?"-- here's the plot. This episode was all about Blair and her vendetta against Miss Rachel Carr, the sweet lil teacher who didn't stand a chance when thrust into the shark-infested waters of Constance. In past episodes, Carr had ruffled Blair's feathers by giving her a dreaded B and potentially spoiling her straight-A streak for Yale. She'd also won the admiration of both Serena and Dan, with the latter probably more enamored with the teach then he'd like to admit. This hour kicks off with Blair "doing community service" for detention in Central Park (which of course means making poor Dorota do all the work), then demanding that her Mean Girls help her destroy Carr for the indignity. They're uninterested until the school announces a ban on cell phones, with Miss Carr leading the way. (Ruh-roh.) As the students suffer PDA withdrawal (I was reminded of Scully on The X Files: "Mulder, if you had to go an hour without your cell phone, you'd lapse into catatonic shock"), Blair gets Dorota to smuggle in cells for all the girls. (Patrick loved that her "disguise" still included her maid's head band.) She sets them to the task of digging up dirt on Carr, then stumbles across the perfect vicious rumor herself: Dan's close relationship with Rachel. Meanwhile, Chuck calls Nate and Vanessa out of their dull-as-dishwater relationship to help him look into what he thinks may've been "the greatest night of my life." He woke up hung over with memories of a masked ball and a night with a beautiful woman; an invitation he finds leads him to a swanky townhouse in midtown. The location used is the same tony interior featured in Sex and the City: The Movie, which also played host to a "Holiday House" showroom that both me and my friend (and fellow GG fan) Elon worked for last fall. It was a kick to see the distinctive and gorgeous space onscreen; one crucial moment was even set in "the Thanksgiving room," which was my favorite room in the house. Anyhoo, as for the actual *storyline*: Chuck finds a framed photo of the girl in question; he tracks down the house's owners and discovers that "Elle" is their nanny. She meets him at the house after hours, masked, with a ridiculously large candle in her hand, and thankfully Chuck makes a crack about this "Eyes Wide Shut mystery" so that we know they're not taking themselves too seriously. Elle mistakenly invited Chuck to the party using an old "client list" that included his dad-- holy Elliot Spitzer, Batman! But she emphasizes that the club is both extremely powerful and very dangerous; later the owners call Chuck to see if he's seen Elle, who's evidently disappeared. I'm not sure how I feel about this storyline: an evil gentleman's club sounds a little shark-jumpy, and didn't they already do a whole Skulls take-off last fall? I'm also confused as to what Vanessa has to do with anything; she receives an invite to the party and a mask, and shows it to Nate, though it's unclear if they're actually going to go or just stay in and have Bland Character Sex. ("Ooh, baby, you're so... underwritten!") Maybe if we're lucky this evil cult will do us all a favor and off Vanessa. Anyway, back to Blair vs. Carr. Blair's posting on Gossip Girl gets the whole school talking, but seemingly backfires when the headmistress expels Blair for spreading a dangerous lie. She manages to convince her Daddy Harold that the affair really happened, and he fights with the school board over the issue. (I love that the school board was made up of like, Rufus, Lily, Harold, and a couple random extras. Isn't Constance kind of a big school?) But Blair receives a secret weapon from Serena: a camera phone picture of Dan and Rachel hugging suggestively. (True, Rachel immediately pulls away and tells him it's a bad idea, but the fact that she's met with him at a restaurant after hours WHILE THERE'S A BIG ASS RUMOR GOING AROUND THAT THEY'RE SCHTUPPING demonstrates pretty poor judgement.) Blair instructs the headmistress to check her email-- conveniently wired to the projector-- and the provocative image shocks everyone. Favorite line of the night: Blair uses a fancy legal term, then quips, "I love Damages." But Papa Waldorf overhears her talking about how the whole thing started as a lie, and he's none too pleased. The next day he gives her a stern reprimand, and when she protests that "Yale was on the line," he responds, "I don't care what school you go to. I care about what kind of person you become." (Oh, Daddy. If you only *knew*...) He leaves with Handsome, the bulldog he gave Blair as a Yale present, adding to the sadness. Meanwhile, the scandal's taken a toll on perpetually star-crossed Serena and Dan, because, if I'm remembering this right, "there's always something." Or something. These guys always have the lamest excuses for breaking up. But maybe they should *stay* broken up this time. They've gotten kind of insipid. Besides, we all know Chuck and Blair are this show's true core couple. Serena's attempt at an apology to the fired Miss Carr is rebuffed; Dan, however, receives a warmer reception, as Rachel reminds him that she's not a teacher anymore. Cut to a montage of these two jail baiting lovebirds going at it to the strains of an incongruous rock song. "They're both poor. It's the music of the working class," my roommate Richard joked. Little do they know that the school is reconsidering its decision to fire Carr *at that very moment.* After all, Lily opines, there was no proof that Rachel engaged in indecent conduct with a student-- except for what's going down right now. But even more oblivious than Rachel and Dan is Serena, who's seen walking in the rain with quite possibly the world's largest umbrella leaving a message for Dan. She's sorry, and can they just forget the whole thing ever happened? Not likely! (Cue Ross Gellar: "We were on A BREAK!") Too bad we'll have to wait so long to find out what happens next. One final note: remember my rant about Blake Lively's freakish heigh? Yeah. Check the photo of her and Rachel above. Craaaazy.

Kiss My Bass

This week could have been a real downer, marking the end of the holidays and the beginning of the great gray beast known as January. But luckily TV was there to cushion the blow: Gossip Girl and Nip/Tuck both returned! (Gossip Girl’s only been off the air since just before Christmas, but Nip/Tuck was MIA for nearly a year! Stupid writer’s strike.) Neither debut was particularly exciting, but it’s good to see both series back on the air. After all the drama of the last GG, it was perhaps inevitable that this one would feel anticlimactic. Dan and Serena *finally* got back together, but more importantly—Rat Boy is gone! Greasy grimey Aaron will never be seen again. (Huge sigh of relief.) Apparently the producers didn’t like the character any more than we did, so they decided to ax him after the last ep. Of course, we all knew Serena was ready to ditch him for Dan anyway, and it’s nice that they just embraced and resumed their coupling rather than put us through any more will-they-or-won’t-they bullshit. Not that the obstacles are over for the twosome: Rufus scolds Dan for being alone in the apartment with Serena (?!) and Dan suspects his ire at Lily is at the heart of it. The two snoop around seeking answers, only to uncover a map of Boston and a 617 number (yeah 617—represent!). Turns out Rufus hasn’t been looking for “an artist”—he’s been calling adoption agencies. Of course we all know why, but Rufus is forced to tell Dan the truth—that he has a half brother he’s never known. (And yes, we now know that it’s a boy after Lily let the pronoun slip.) Which means: More Ickiness For Them. They share a half sibling! It’s bad enough that their parents are locked in a deathless star crossed romance, but this one could be a real buzz killer. Dan nearly tells Serena, but Rufus calls him last minute and asks him not to, declaring, “It’s not your secret to tell.” Still, Serena’s not likely to stay in the dark for long, not in this gossipy crowd, anyway.
Speaking of Serena, why do I get the feeling that everyone around her is secretly standing on milk crates so that she won’t look so freakishly tall? Watch carefully and you’ll note that while Blake Lively is often seen walking away or towards other characters, they’re never seen full length beside her. Guess the producers don’t want the cast looking like Cousin Itt next to Lurch. (Not to compare Lively’s looks to Lurch’s—the girl’s a regulation hottie.)
Meanwhile, Little J was saddled with a pretty lame B plot—a vain attempt to save dorky Nelly from the hands of her heartless Mean Girl “friends,” particularly Queen B Penelope. (Side note: this show really needs to diversify. The only two characters of color are Asian doormat Nelly and black—and usually silent—bitch Isabel. Two of the biggest Gossip Girl fans I know are black women—so get a clue, Josh Schwartz and co.!) After witnessing Nelly being forced to wipe yogurt off of Penelope’s shoe at Pinkberry (and don’t even get my roommate Patrick started on the inclusion of Pinkberry), Jenny intervenes, using Nelly’s Gretchen Weiner-like knowledge of the clique to win her better treatment. After threatening to text Gossip Girl sordid deets (i.e. Penelope’s affair with one of her daddy’s colleagues), Jenny is offered the chance to lead the group—but flatly turns it down. Her efforts are lost on Nelly, though—the little wuss still wants to be one of the club! She rushes off to be Penelope’s slave again, while Eric congratulates Jenny on her newfound strength and integrity. The best parts of this mostly forgettable arc: Blair dismissing the girls’ high school squabbles as beneath her and Jenny’s transformation out of those horrid bangs and raccoon eyes. She’s also re-enrolled at school, which means her wayward rebellion phase has officially passed.
In Chuck and Blair Land, we first see Chuck in—an opium den! Patrick wondered if opium dens even exist anymore, but I can’t think of a more appropriate place for him to be. (Complete with geishas, of course.) He’s been AWOL since leaving Blair that note last episode, but his uncle, Jack Bass, finds and brings him back to Manhattan. The actor playing Jack—sexy in that older man way—looked so much like Bart that I thought the two actors must be related, but apparently the resemblance is just casting serendipity. He seems like a charming, fun character—like Chuck without the standoffish vibe. Good thing he’s around, because he and Blair add backup when Chuck’s dragged before the dean for smoking pot (!). Of course, Chuck calmly torpedoes their efforts to save him with his all-too-glib attitude, though he does score a lot of sympathy for the whole mourning thing. Meanwhile, Blair's all concerned about being admitted to a ritzy women's org (ergo her lack of concern over the Mean Girls' kerfuffle) but realizes almost as soon as we are that they're unforgivably lame biotches. For one thing, these middle-aged chicks are all wearing ARGYLE! Every single one of them! The only one who can get away with that kind of wardrobe is Chuck. For another, it's not long before they're trading pithy bon mots about Serena and especially Chuck. Blair finally stands up and tells them all that her friends are great people and that she loves Chuck-- then races off to his side! Go Blair. Whatever you can say about her, the girl's got integrity these days. Near episode’s end, though, Blair makes a doozy of a revelation, asking Jack not to tell Chuck anything about “what happened between us.” Say what? In the latest incident of Gossip Girl incest, she and Chuck’s uncle hooked up! Which makes sense, in a weird way: Chuck wasn’t available, Jack was, and the whole thing has that quasi-comforting Next Best Thing vibe. Of course, Chuck—who nearly falls off a roof before being coaxed down by Blair’s tearful declaration of love for him—probably won’t take too well to all of this. “I’m Chuck Bass!” he shouts on the roof, before adding, “Nobody cares.” (Honestly, the line didn’t really work for me. It seems like they only did it because it would look good in promos.)
At episode’s end, Rufus has finally convinced Lily to join him in a search for their long lost son; Lily had explained earlier that the adoption was closed, so they’ve got an uphill battle finding the kid. Lily joins him in a car with only one suitcase, as compared to the eight or so she brought for their ill-fated weekend getaway; “That was a fun trip,” Richard explained. “This is business.” Still, Lily wore heels; have fun clomping around Beacon Hill’s cobblestone streets in those, Van Der Woodsen! Next week’s installment looks promising, with plenty of drama involving Blair’s dalliance with Uncle Jack.

Best. Episode. Ever.

Okay, maybe that's a bit of a hyperbole, but this week's Gossip Girl was damned good. And not just because it was all about Chuck. And Chuck and Blair. But also because we finally learned-- oh wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. It's the aftermath of Bart's death, and Lily is understandably freaked. Not only is her bitchy mom Cici back in town for the funeral, but she's racked with guilt considering she was about to break up with her husband when he got killed. Rufus knows this, as the two share a brief interlude in Central Park. (I'm such a dork for thinking this, but I kept wondering if they were under the same arch from Cloverfield.) He tells her that he's there for her, and will wait "as long as it takes this time, be it six months or six years." Of course, knowing these two and their inescapable attraction, it's doubtful it'll be six episodes before they're all over each other. Cici spots the pair leaving together and smirks knowingly. (We later found out that she deliberately followed her daughter. Speaking from experience, when moms get nosy it just never ends well.) Lily tells Rufus she has yet to listen to a voice mail from Bart, but insists she'll do it on her own. She stops outside the park to do so, which in my opinion is ill advised. I mean, if my dead husband had left me a potentially bitter message, I sure as shit wouldn't listen to it in public. Then again, considering her kids know something's up with her, I guess she wants to avoid their prying eyes. Poor Lily. She hears Bart coldly declaring that he wants to talk to her "not about how my wife is making a fool of me with her old lover . . . I know why you were in that sanitarium." (Again with the "sanitarium." Seriously, was she a knife wielding killer in a Shatner mask, or what?) Meanwhile, Chuck's been AWOL-- all anyone knows is that he's been getting food delivered to his room at the hotel, so he's still alive-- and when we see him he's got tousled hair and an even more intense than usual expression. He's at a shady bar meeting dad's old PI, who claims he's going to sell the file on Lily to the highest bidder. Cut to the church for the funeral, where Dan and Rat Boy (aka Aaron) have an extraordinarily cunty exchange on the front steps. "Surrena's on her way," Dan announces. "I just got the same message," Aaron says. "I got it first," Dan shoots back. "I don't have good reception here," Aaron counters. (Comparing cell service instead of pistols, are we, boys? Seriously, they were this close to "my dad can beat up your dad." Although, frankly, Rufus could probably take Wallace Shawn's adorable but diminutive Cyrus. But I digress.) Eric asks Jenny if she's seen Jonathan, his ex boyfriend. "No, are you guys back together?" she asks. "No, but I thought he might want to be here," Eric says vaguely. Umm... okay. I'm cool with Eric's story lines not being front and center, but could they at least make sense? Sometimes I feel like he's on his own, separate show, and we're just catching glimpses and having to piece it together. Maybe he should get that rumored spin-off. Anyway, drama ensues when Chuck arrives, schnockered out of his mind, with Nate and Blair helping him out of the limo. It only gets worse when Chuck spots Dan and screams at him that he has no business at the funeral, because Rufus is responsible for Bart's death. Dan naturally has no clue what that's about, but he agrees to leave and keep the peace, even though Serena protests that she wants him there. "It's okay, let him go," Aaron says helpfully. (Sure it's okay with you, you little greaser. Blech. I fucking hate Aaron. Anyway.) Lily tries to reason with Chuck, but he calls her a "whore" and skulks off. (*Day-um!*) She protests that he should be "with his family" and he responds, "I have no family." Clearly the kid's hurting, and Lily, Serena, et al's feelings are not high on his list of priorities. Back at the apartment, Chuck's still storming around and avoiding offers of help, i.e. Blair suggesting he eat something. Nate tells Blair "You're really good with him," but she tries to downplay it. Meanwhile, Cici spots Chuck stomping up the stairs and decides there's more going on than meets the eye. She urges Lily to confront him about "what he knows"; Lily reluctantly agrees. She finds Chuck ransacking Bart's office and assures him that he's well provided for in the will. He declares that it's the file on Lily he's after, but of course it's long gone now. And his bitter declarations that Lily's to blame for Bart's demise lead her to slap him across the face. (Although, it was kind of a weak slap. Sort of a let-down, not gonna lie.) Meanwhile, Cyrus is so inspired by all the funereal sentiments on life's preciousness that he insists he and Eleanor marry the very next day. Blair is predictably aghast, but manages to go along with it in support of her mom. There's also an all-too-brief interlude in which Jonathan surfaces, much to Eric's delight. (Again, explanations, please. Why'd they break up in the first place? And didn't Bart imply the kid was screwing his coach or something? Give me some closure, Gossip Girl!) Chuck rushes out following his confrontation with Lily, and none of the kids can stop him. "I already lost my stepfather; I don't want to lose my brother, too," Eric says sweetly. "When are you going to figure out that we are *not* related?" Chuck asks coldly. The look on Eric's face is totally heartbreaking. (I loved the budding brotherly relationship between Chuck and Eric; I bet it will be patched up within a couple of episodes. If there's one thing Josh "The OC" Schwartz loves, it's surrogate brothers.) Out on the street, Blair insists that Chuck either stay or let her come along. "You're not my girlfriend," Chuck snaps, and Blair makes a heartfelt speech about how they're not a conventional couple but "We're Blair and Chuck, Chuck and Blair." And she finally utters the words, "I love you." Chuck simply says that that's too bad, hops in the limo, and leaves. BIG moment for those two, though! (Last week I complained that I wanted to see their storyline advance, and this week I got my wish.) At Eleanor and Cyrus' small and private wedding, held at their apartment, Blair arrives in a tizzy because of the encounter with Chuck. She tells Cyrus that she made a fool of herself and that "only a masochist could love such a narcissist." (Ah, Blair, always with the vocab words.) Cyrus hugs and comforts her, and also declares "I love you." (Seriously, this episode could be really sweet. I'm surprised I didn't cry.) The actual ceremony is very cute to watch, especially since it involves a Rabbi. (What? I'm Jewish. I love that stuff.) Rat Boy asks Serena if she'd like to go to Buenos Aires with him for the holidays. He alludes to her feelings for Dan, which she predictably attempts to downplay. But sure enough, she's soon telling Dan about the development, and he asks her, "Do you want me to ask you to stay?" (I thought of Dawson's Creek and Pacey painting the big "ASK ME TO STAY" wall for Joey. But Serena wouldn't do something like that; imagine what paint could do to her clothes!) Serena hints at their potential reunion, but Dan manages to bow out in the lamest way possible: by saying he got THE WRONG MUFFIN from the shop and has to go back. You read that right: the wrong muffin. WTF? Dan, are you trying to be a douche? I mean, really. At least lie convincingly, preferably in a way that doesn't involve muffins. Of course, a chat with Jenny-- who, btw, made the dress for Eleanor's wedding in a cute make-nice gesture-- convinces him he's being a moron and he rushes to Serena's to convince her not to go with Aaron. Unbeknowst to him, Serena's had a chat with Lily and, finding that her mom's still in love with Rufus, gives her blessing to proceed. (Having previously cock-blocked her over the whole "I don't want to date my stepbrother" thing.) So when Dan arrives, his overture is promptly rejected, and Serena insists she's going to "try and make it work" with Aaron. (Yeah, good luck with that, honey. I mean, the man uses more product than you do, and still looks gross. Ugh.) Meanwhile, Lily has told Rufus she "doesn't want to wait 6 years" and wants to finally take that trip they were about to go on last season, before Lily decided to put her daughter first. It inspires Rufus to play that one damn song from his old band Lincoln Hawk. (Did they even have any other songs? No wonder they were one of the Top 10 Forgotten Bands of the 90s. They only recorded a single track!) But Cici arrives and finally tells Rufus the Big Secret, insisting that he and Lily won't have a chance if this revelation isn't out in the open. Earlier we saw Chuck confront Lily with it, and she begged him not to tell anyone, and not to "turn your back on the people who care about you." Chuck seemed to take that advice to heart, both by burning the file (we still didn't see what it said) and showing up in Blair's room unannounced. "What are you doing here?" she demands, before hugging him on the bed as the music swells. Very touching moment, though of course Chuck still didn't utter the L word himself. Later we saw them sleeping side by side, fully dressed, which was really touching. Meanwhile, Rufus tells Dan that he and Lily will never be together, and Dan immediately calls Serena... but it's too late. She ignores the call and promises Aaron she'll give them a chance, as they ride off to the airport. Meanwhile, Lily is waiting happily for Rufus at Grand Central (with like four bags, of course, a girl like her doesn't travel light!) but her face falls when she sees his. "Just tell me," he says, "was it a boy or a girl?" Dum dum duuuuum! I was sort of thinking the secret involved a baby. But does anyone really believe this will keep them apart forever? Maybe just long enough for Serena and Dan to make a go of it, which should be shortly after her return plane hits the tarmac. Finally, Blair wakes up to find a note from Chuck: "You deserve so much better than me. Don't come looking for me." Awwww. Gossip Girl says something bitchy (like she always does), and the show ends. Plenty to keep us wondering until the show returns in January. I can't wait to see what happens with Chuck and Blair, especially: this episode set up new and emotionally rich potential for both characters, especially Mr. Bass (who is, as the PI put it, "about to become the richest kid in New York City"). Hurry back, Gossip Girl-- you know we love you!

How the Ball Bounces

This week's "unmissable" Gossip Girl turned out to be, if not missable, then slightly underwhelming. For one thing, I can't imagine there was a single viewer who hadn't figured out that Bart was going to die at the end, so no surprises there. Not that the hour wasn't entertaining. After all, any episode that features even one scene of Blair and Dorota bantering is worth its weight in gold these days. (The interplay between that duo is quickly becoming a show highlight; "Shouldn't you be polishing something?" was Blair's latest snappish remark.) First things first: Bart. In his final episode, he's trying to make amends for the whole "private investigator" fiasco, claiming that his snooping days are over. Lily isn't convinced, and when she finds out he is, in fact, still seeing his PI, she tells his assistant he's uninvited from the Snowflake Ball. Yes, that's right-- the Snowflake Ball. Now, Josh Schwartz's last show, The OC, had plenty of dumb party names-- "the SnowC," anyone?-- but "the Snowflake Ball"? Really? Gag me. Anyhoo, Bart's uninvited, which gives Lily the perfect chance to cozy up to Rufus (yet again). You just know these two are made for each other, but between the whole Serena/Dan thing (Serena didn't want them to become Greg and Marcia, and who could blame her?) and her marriage to Bart, there have been myriad obstacles in their way. Chuck spots them having an intimate chat, and immediately calls Papa Bass to tell him to get to the ball, pronto. He also confronts Lily and Rufus, and tells Lily to 'splain herself when Bart arrives. (Speaking of Chuck and Bart, I was bemused when Bart angrily told Chuck, "Don't think I don't know who opened that safe [with the dossiers inside]; I know you know the combination." For one thing, if he knew Chuck had the combination, why didn't he change the friggin' lock? And is it really Chuck's fault Lily's pissed at him? The issue is that he had the dossiers made in the first place.) Of course, before Bart can get there-- but not before we see him conversing with the PI in his limo, where it's announced that there's juicy new dirt on Lily-- he has a car accident and dies, as reported by Lily near episode's end. But enough about the grownups-- onto the craaaazy kids! First up: Serena and Dan, another clearly-meant-to-be pair. Aaron's ex Lexie shows up and promptly flummoxes Serena; Serena walks in on Lexie ranking on the photos of her and writing her off as a blond airhead. The three unite with Dan for an awkward walking tour of Brooklyn, where Dan and Lexie hit it off immediately (much to Serena's chagrin). It only gets worse when Aaron lets it slip that Lexie is, as they say, "fast." He couldn't incite Serena's jealousy more if he tried, although he seems utterly oblivious to the effect this casual revelation will have on her. Serena turns to Blair for advice, admitting that she and Aaron haven't done the deed yet; Blair encourages her to do so, while the rest of us scream "No! Who knows what diseases that skanky boy is carrying! You can do so much better, Serena! *SO MUCH BETTER!*" (Okay, maybe that was just me.) At the ball, Serena manages to tell Dan everything she shouldn't, i.e. "your date is gonna try and get into your pants tonight" and "I'm gonna have sex with Aaron myself." When Dan doesn't act horrified, Serena gets all self righteous and says, "I thought sex meant more to you than that." S, ppplease. Like Dan's gonna be horrified that his date puts out; besides, you told him you were doing the nasty yourself with Rat Boy-- er, Aaron! Luckily, Serena comes to her senses and apologizes, and the two agree that their first time was one of the best nights of their lives. Rumor has it they're getting back together this season; it's not hard to imagine based on this episode. Besides, as my roommate commented, they're the heart of the show's franchise-- "they're Tom Brady." Meanwhile, the Jenny/Nate/Vanessa triangle comes to a head. Vanessa admits she stole the letter from Nate and Jenny is understandably pissed. When Blair's trio of ex-Mean Girl BFFs approach Jenny about designing Penelope's dress for the ball, Jenny agrees in exchange for good pay-- and when she lets it slip that Nate and Vanessa are an item, the girls hatch a scheme for revenge. My first thought was pig's blood, but that's not what they have in mind; instead, Jenny presents Vanessa with a dress as a seeming peace offering, only it's undetectably sheer. At the crucial moment, the girls have a spotlight shine on Vanessa, embarrassing her in front of the whole school. Jenny immediately regrets it, having just witnessed Vanessa break things off with Nate in deference to their friendship. Unfortunately, she's too late to stop the stunt, and both Vanessa and Nate give her the cold shoulder. Nate says the feelings he expressed in the letter no longer apply; "You're not the person I thought you were." At least Jenny tells off the girls, whose attempts to intimidate her fall flat; she's no longer the scared little girl in need of approval. In Chuck and Blair land, their storyline was mildly amusing, but didn't really break any new ground. The two make a bet: they'll each select dates for each other. If Chuck likes his, Blair gets his limo for a week; if Blair likes hers, Chuck gets Dorota. (Poor Dorota. Bandied about like a piece of property!) But the two dates, "doppelgangers" for Chuck and Blair, fall for each other and exclude the twosome. Personally, I think they could have gone further with the resemblances; "Chuck 2" didn't even talk through his nose! But anyhow. Blair and Chuck have another one of their "we're made for each other but can't be together for some vague reason" talks and then decide they at least "have tonight" and dance. Yawn. I love them, but at some point they need to stop playing games and actually make another play at a relationship. In any case, nothing earth-shattering really happened besides the announcement of Bart's death. Next week's show, which promises to reveal more "secrets"-- and Lily slapping Chuck!-- should be more interesting.

Gossip Watch: Thanksgiving

It's Thanksgiving in the Upper East Side, and Gossip Girl served up a heap of drama to go with the turkey and pumpkin pie. (Apologies for all the horrid puns I'm sure to make in this recap.) Blair was in fine form all episode, working herself into a tizzy at the thought that her mom was getting engaged to Cyrus (Wallace Shawn); guess the "truce" didn't last! Her moments with maid Dorota were particularly fun; "Who do you work for?" she amusingly demanded, when Dorota clearly knew more about Eleanor and Cyrus then she was letting on. I also love that Dorota's ring tone is "I'm a Slave 4 U." Blair and Dorota flee the house to boycott Thanksgiving, and when Dorota asks where exactly they're going, Blair snaps, "I don't care if we have to wander the streets all day like characters from a Jane Austen novel, I won't stand for this!" (Only on Gossip Girl do teenagers make so many literary references outside of English class.) Meanwhile, Nate had to deal, once again, with his huge douche bag of a father. Seriously, between the embezzling, cokehead dad and the cold, enabling mother, this kid has the world's worst parents. Daddie Dearest emerges from hiding and asks Nate to come live with them outside of the country. But the FBI is snooping around, asking Vanessa what she knows about Nate, so she enlists Chuck's help (!) to stage an intervention of sorts with their estranged pal. This nicely served as a way to reunite all three characters, and in the end, shockingly, Dad actually did the right thing and turned himself in. Of course Nate had to convince him to do so; it's classic "kids parenting the parents" television. Dan similarly helped his own father see the light regarding wayward Jenny, who began this episode hiding out with Eric at Serena/Lily/Chuck et al's place. In a rather heartfelt storyline, Rufus finally told Jenny how much he loved and missed her, and this softer approach made her see the light at last. "I don't want to not be your daughter," she said, tearing up her emancipation papers and crying. (And, OMG, I totally cried, too.) But before this warm and fuzzy reunion could happen, we had some intriguing dynamics with Eric and Serena's own family. First Bart gives Eric a tip regarding his little-seen boyfriend Jonathan-- implying that he's sleeping with his coach(?!). When Eric asks Chuck about this WTF-worthy comment, Chuck explains that his father retains a private investigator to look into the lives of everyone he knows. Eric thinks this is a little creepy and weird ('cause it is), and Chuck decides to show him Bart's secret safe, filled with all sorts of forbidden goodies. "Are those actual bars of gold?" Eric asks in disbelief. I half expected there to be a girlie mag and a slingshot in with this stash of midlife adolescent escapism. Chuck leaves Eric to pore over the spoils, and he finds three leather bound files on himself, Serena, and Lily. Of course, this is hardly a shock to us, since we know from an earlier episode that Bart had a file on Lily with some sort of Big Shocking Secret in it, but now Eric's even more freaked than before. (Side note: the boy dyed those off-putting blonde locks. I heartily approve.) He brings the files to his mom and Serena, who are suitably aghast. Lily confronts Bart and he simply says he was protecting them, but Lily rejects the excuse and takes the kids out of the house. (Seems like everyone's abandoning Thanksgiving today! Good thing Mickey D's is open.) Of course, the file does serve a function for Serena, who hands it to that icky Aaron character that she's enamored with. (God knows why.) He ran into Dan earlier at Convenient Plot Point Junction-- sorry, the grocery store-- and had his suspicions raised when Dan balked at the comment that "Serena doesn't drink anymore." See, apparently Aaron's sober, and Serena immediately downplayed her hard-partying past to win his approval. (All this for rat-faced stalker boy. Blech.) At least Blair sees the folly in this, urging Serena not to settle for someone who won't put her first to begin with. But Aaron's newfound desire to be exclusive sets Serena's heart aflutter, so she first lies, then admits the truth and hands Aaron the convenient attache case. But he says he doesn't need to look at it; he wants to know everything about her firsthand. ("Fuck that," my friend Patrick commented. "I'd want to read the file!") So, unfortunately, this bit of intrigue hasn't broken them up-- at least, not yet. (Le sigh.) Meanwhile, Lily and Eric visit the same diner where they wound up last year, and we learn a bit about Lily's secret: she was in "a sanitarium," much like Eric was. He's upset his mother didn't tell him this, but she maintains that she wanted to be strong for him. Eric says he looks forward to hearing more about it when she's ready. (Again with the kid parenting.) It's a sweet moment between them. "How did you get to be so wise?" Lily asks. "The nanny," Eric cracks. (Love that kid. Since he and Jonathan appear to be dunzo, I hope he gets another, worthier boyfriend soon-- one who's actually cute!) The pair decide to leave the diner and go to Rufus and Dan's, which also provides a reunion for Vanessa and Jenny. I couldn't remember why exactly Vanessa was even mad at Jenny, but apparently it was because of Nate. He and Vanessa rekindled their flame earlier, with Nate saying he hadn't heard from Jenny "in weeks"; Jenny says the same thing about Nate, and Vanessa insists they shouldn't "let a boy come between us," anyhow. Famous last words: next thing we know, Vanessa's found the letter Nate sent Jenny several episodes back (she's yet to read it since running away from home for two weeks). Vanessa opens and reads it, discovering that Nate felt he "had to stay away" from Jenny because of Dan, but didn't want to-- and couldn't stop thinking about her. The plot thickens; maybe Vanessa will actually turn out to be kind of interesting? (I hope so, because I've pretty much given up on her being the one that dies.) Back in Blair land, the girl's pleasantly surprised to find her gay dad (John Shea) back to visit, with Eleanor insisting she needed his approval for "the man who could become your stepfather" before accepting Cyrus' proposal. What's more, he has his famous pumpkin pie (the one Cyrus horrified her by criticizing earlier) in tow. All together now: Awwwwww. But while there's plenty of bonding going on at the end of the hour, there's the Vanessa bit of intrigue, too, along with Bart creepily idling outside Dan's apartment in his limo. "You know how I said I didn't want to know why Lily was in that sanitarium?" Bart asks someone on the phone (which is very helpful for us viewers). "I changed my mind. I want to know everything." Dum dum dum!!!! (Side note: why does everyone refer to it as "a sanitarium"? All I could think about was the movie Halloween. Was Lily across the hall from Michael Myers?) So concludes another kinda-heartwarming, kinda-dark and weird Gossip Girl Thanksgiving, with previews promising an "unmissable" episode in two weeks. Yep, someone's gonna kick the bucket... and my money's on Bart.